I love everything about my life...the good and bad times...this page is for me to express myself through my emotions and thoughts...Also to show things that I like and am interested in...I am a mother or 2 wonderful boys and 1 Fantastic Girl...Married life is hard but it is worth all the troubles to be with the one you love...Enjoy my posts as I will be expressing myself on these pages.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010


So toady started out a good day....now it has all gone to SHIT!   Jaymes got the phone call we have been waiting a week for and of course bad news once again!   Still not JOI can;t get B...I hate this...We are almost out of money...like we have $100..to our name and stuff that needs to be bought...we will soon be completely out of money and have no freaking way to buy anything we need other than food...that is great but we will need things that food stamps can't buy...Diapers, laundry soap, garbabge bags, shampoo, conditioner, soap, everything that we all need to live.  and if we don't get a job soon we will not have water, phone, cable, or internet.  I hate this...it makes me feel useless..I can't do anything...I can't get a job...no one will hire me...I am 33.5 weeks pregnant...right now my stress level is probably a 12 out of 10 and that is not good...I am sure my blood pressure is high right now too...I am just freaking out...WHAT THE HELL ARE WE GONNA DO???????  We can't rely on other people to pay our bills...I just don't know what to do anymore...All I can do is try to keep calm and not cry over this but man this really sucks...I just want to go somewhere where I can punch something and scream!   All I can do is clean the house and pretend nothing is wrong...just keep up what I am doing and keep the signs of stress inside...What else can I do?  I hate money, I hate that there are no Damn jobs, and I hate that it just seems like I am the only one that cares or is stressed by this...Well that is it...I am still stressed but at least I know what I am stressed about...FUCK SHIT FUCK!   AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!    WHAT THE HELL ARE WE GONNA DO???

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Busy times

Well for the next 4 weeks things are pretty busy...it is nice to have things to do to keep my mind off the fact that I only have 7 weeks until baby Lydia is due...

Yesterday we had a Lia Sophia party at my house and Glady has decided to sell Lia Sophia...then tomorrow is Kyle's birthday party.  Hius actual birthday is on Wednesday the 28th...Then on Saturday May 1st..a baby shower for me and Evelyn in Las Vegas...The next week it Jaymes's birthday and Mother's Day...then a baby shower for me on the 15th..at my house...Finally I have one last party on the 22nd for a pampered chef party at a friends house....Oh yea and a dr appointment for Kyle in Vegas May 24th and a breastfeeding class on May 25th...In between all this there are finals for school and registering Jaymes for his classes...WOW WOW WOW....Everything just bunched up in the same month...but it is good because it will make time go by faster...

Jaymes has a new/old friend that has been hang out with him lately but it is kind of annoying because this friend has no kids and thinks Jaymes can do things whenever he wants...That is very much not he case...We need to have a more advance notice of doing things than normal people because we have to work around the family schedule...and right now things are pretty busy...It is great he has a friend I just wish that friend would realize that we have a family and family comes first.

Ok I am done..just needed to write everything down and than is great to have it all out so I can see what is going on..

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Just Frustrated.

I guess this is the story of my life...I am always frustrated about something.  these days it comes more and more.  I hate how my husband sits in the bed room all day and does nothing, while I am taking care of the kids, the house and doing my homework.  While taking care of everything else.  Then plannign bday parties, pictures, dr appointments and WIC appointments how am I supposed to get everything done alone.  If I go away from the hosue for the day or even just a few hours I come home and it looks like a tornado has gone through my house. 
Then today to top it all off...I was enjoying a little nap on the couch while the kids were watching a movie and behaving and Dad of course was in the bedroom...and then he comes out and says he has to go pick up Ian and Jayk.  both at the same time...that makes 5 smelly boys in my house at the same time...then I have to deal with all three kids because Jayk and Jaymes are in the bedroom...Or the kids come in the bedroom and destroy everything that is put up...because Jaymes and Jayk don't watch them.   Then when Jayk is here I feel like I am invisible.  They sit in the same room as me and totally ignore the fact that I am there...I cook dinner and they eat it and leave me to clean it up...I am 32.5 weeks pregnant and VERY tired.  I feel like I have no energy...But still I have to do everything like normal.  I am just plan frustrated with it all and very tired.  I just need a day off...but then if I leave the house I have twice the stuff to do when I get back...So what the hell!!!  AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!   this is how I freaking feel...!  just plain blah and unwanted.  All i am good for it making their lives better...no I guess making HIS life better.  I love my hubby but sometimes I am just so darn frustrated with everything...
Yea he had an interview on Monday...but then has not looked for any other jobs since then...he just waits to hear from the one joba nd then when they say no he goes to the next...but man we need income NOW!  I hate having to ask for help and hate how it is always ME asking for help or figuring out how to make things work.  I need some help...I have too much on my plate right now and I am frustrated and stressed.  Me asking for help has made other people have issues and stress out and it make me mad that I have to make other peoplele's lives harder. 


Alright...now I am going to try to get some sleep while Jaymes and Jayk are in my bedroom taking louder than needed and one playing the computer and the other the XBOX...How is a girl to get any freaking rest?

Now the kids are up...How freaking wonderful!   I NEED A FREAKING BREAK!!!!! 

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Cranky Pregnant Girl!

OK so today I went to Wal Mart.  We needed things to make for dinner and then the basics...Milk, eggs, juice.  So I got there and had everything in my cart.  I had it all seperated between WIC items and regular items.  (Yes, we have WIC and I am not afraid to say it because I think that white Americans need to get stuff they need just as much as mexicans)....Ok so I go to lane 5 which is a lane that you can do Wic on...I load all my stuff on the belt and tell them that the front part is WIC...Then she tries to run my card and the machine is not working...so she tells me that I am going to have to load ALL my stuff back into my cart and go tot lane 13...I am like Hell NO...But she helped me and I moved to stand in line 13....I was in lane 5 for 25 minutes...it sucked!   OK so off to lane 13 and they run my card and tell me that the entire WIC system is down!  What the HELL!!  I just loaded all my stuff back into my cart and now I don't get it?  This is stuff I need...Milk, Juice, Eggs, apples, and cheese...along with other stuff...I am pissed now...I ask them if the debit card stuff is working just so I know...they are like Oh Yes, Mame...Ok so we start scanning my stuff that is not WIC...Everything WIC had to be put back...I haev been in this like for like 15 minutes and this guy is sooooo slow at checking...There are two teens behind me with ONE item!  ONE!  I am cranky already...31 weeks pregnant and I had to load all my stuff back into the cart and back onto the belt...
So this little TWIT! says  "MAN, this it taking so freaking long!" he is standing right next to me at the little place where you swipe your card....I turn arond and tell him.  "EXCUSE ME!"  I am the one paying for stuff right now. You need to back off.  There is no need for you to be standing this close to me." 
He says, "Well I only have one item and I am in a hurry and this is taking FOREVER!"
Very frustrated now...I turn around and look at the other lanes that are open and up at Customer Service that has no one in line. and I said.  "WELL, if you have a problem with how long this is taking why the hell don't you go to one of the other lanes that are open, or the 10 items or less lane...You could also take it to Customer Service and they will be glad to help you."
He continues standing there and the girl with him says, "Well if she wasn't so fat she would have more space with you standing there."  She thinks I didn't hear her.  OH MAN I DID!!!
"EXCUSE ME!"  I said even more pissed off now.  "I am pregnant, and at least I am not buying a stupid movie that I am standing in line for 20 minutes for when there are other lanes open.  I know you are not in this line to buy cigarettes, because you are not old enough."  I turned around told the cashier guy that my order was on Debit and he smiled at me.  Then when I was all done and ready to go the cashier tells me that he is sorry for the long wait and the inconvience.  I say.  "The only inconvience is that people don't have patients and manners."   Then I walked out of the store...

MAN I WAS PISSED!!!   I hate when idiots are in line behind you...I was in line a total of 45 minutes, and loaded the stuff into my cart and onto the belt thing twice...So I was at a limit on patients...This this dumb teenager...  I am so glad I got to be the cranky pregnant girl today...It kind of made my day...Hope my blood pressure isn't too effected by this innocident.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Another Day

Well it is Monday...the beginning of April and there is a lot going on...Jaymes did not get the job he had an interview for so he is in St. George looking once again...He is even talking to a recruiter, that means there is not a lot of options around here.  So I am a little stressed about money, but I am trying to stay positive and hope that people will help us out when and if they can.  after the baby is born and I am cleared to work I think I will begin looking for a job...Hopefully I can find on that will work for my needs and schedule.

The next month and a half are crazy busy.  This week we just had Easter, On Wedneday we will be getting pictures done for Glady and then a bit of relaxing then Long Beach for Jaymes and his Dad.  On the 24th Glady is having a Lia Sophia party at my house and then the following week a baby shower for me and Evelyn.  May 7th is Jaymes birthday and then the following week is a baby shower at my house for my friends here in town that can not make it to Vegas.   Then finally a break...until baby comes...School is almost over for the semester and that means I need to get thigns in order for next year.  I need to register, apply for loans and turn in all the things that my new school needs. 

I feel like I never have time for me...but I will find time somewhere.  I will be losing weight after baby too...it will be fun and nice to finally get this weight off. 

I am still feeling stressed but things will get better...At least that is what I keep telling myself...Stay Positive!

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Funny Story

Alright...so we go for drives almost every night to help the kids relax for bed and to have a little quality family time together in the car...well we were leaving the house last night for our drive and the garage door would not close...It got alomst all the way down and then would go right back up...Well Jaymes was upset and tried to fix it...I think he was trying to get it down for 20 minutes or so...He finally got it down but it will not go up now...it was misaligned but he fixed that.  now the tention spring is not tight enough to pull the door up. So we have to call the Landlord to have someone come and fix the spring...No big deal.
While Jaymes was trying to get the door down, Adam, Kyle and I were sitting in the car.  Adam decided he needed to call the garage door people and so he pretended to be talking on the phone to the people that could fix it.  He asked them if they could come and fix the door and if they were coming from St. George or Vegas.  It was so cute... He told me that they were coming on Monday from St. George with a new door to fix this one with...

It was very cute and I am amazed at how much he knows.  He knows that we have to call someone to come and fix it because it is something that Jaymes cannot fix himself...funny little story for an upsetting moment.

Friday, April 2, 2010


OK...yesterday my hubby had a job interview...they said tehy would either call him for the background check and drug test or send him a letter stating that he did not get the job...Well I am freaking out...they did not call today...maybe they will on Monday they did say within the next couple of days....but I am stressed about money...we only have a limited about in our bank account and bills are going to be due soon!  SHIT!!! there is also our son's birthday, gas in the cars, diapers, and otehr non food items that we will need...I am just freaking out..I know I should wait until Monday but shit we are in trouble...I can't get a job and all we can do is wait to see if he got this one...from the sounds of what the people said and how the interview went he should get the job...but then there is that chance that he will not...and I don't know what we will do if that happens...
The new baby is coming soon and I am afraid that we will be broke completely when she gets here...that is not good...I will be able to get a job 6 weeks after she is born and that will will but if my hubby doesn't have one before then I don't knwo what will happen...We will be screwed...
I have been feeling this a lot lately but I have been holding it in..now the money supply is very low and will not get us through the month...what the hell are we going to do?

I can't do anything about it...since no one will hire a girl that is 30 weeks pregnant...I should have gotten a job awhile ago but I thought that Jaymes would be able to get one a lot sooner than now...AHHHHHHHHHH

I guess I feel a little better but I am still freaking out...We NEED an income coming in..I hope Jaymes gets tha job he had the interview for yesterday..if not I think I might pop from stress...I need to relax but it is very hard to do..

once again...